So for those of you who've enjoyed my weekly 3,000-word NFL opuses (is that the plural of opus?) over the past few years, get used to something a little different this season. Call it the "Twitter-ization" of my column, call it cutting the fat, call it what you will — but we're going to try to get you all the information you need for the upcoming weekend of games in as hard-hitting a manner as possible.

My goal? For you to be fully prepped on the upcoming week in NFL football in just one "sitting" on the can. Yep, if you can get all you need for each Sunday in just one trip to the john, then I've done my job. It's good to have goals, isn't it? And I'm shooting for the stars, here, folks.

Every Wednesday moving forward, we'll be previewing the entire slate of NFL action in just 32 sentences, two lines per game. On top of that, we'll get to your emails, toss around some other stuff, and see where we end up. A work in progress, really.

I'm excited. You should be too. After all, this is a time for change, right?

Now, go print this out and tell your boss you'll be stepping away from your desk for a few moments.

Last night's Giants-Skins game excluded, here are 15 game previews in just 30 lines:

Lions at Falcons

The Joey Harrington Bowl! Thankfully, the Piano Man will be playing quarterback for neither team in what should be one of the least interesting games of the week.

Prediction: Lions 21, Falcons 13

Bengals at Ravens

Joe Flacco is getting the start for Baltimore — not because he's the best quarterback on the team, but because he's the only one healthy enough to take the field. Baltimore's offensive line is so horrific, let's just hope Flacco makes it to Week 2.

Prediction: Bengals 23, Ravens 14

Seahawks at Bills

The Toronto — err, Buffalo — Bills are a sexy playoff pick in the AFC. FOXSports.com colleague Adam Schein is so giddy about Dick Jauron's squad, he's beginning to look like an actual Buffalo Wing.

Prediction: Seahawks 17, Bills 16

Jets at Dolphins

Has anyone received more preseason hype this year than Ricky Williams? All Phish and Funions jokes aside, he seems to be running hard and is in fantastic shape.

Prediction: Jets 31, Dolphins 7

Chiefs at Patriots

The Patriots look to extend their 19-game regular season winning streak, aiming to become the first NFL team to win 20 consecutive non-playoff games. I'm sure that the players in the New England locker room are really proud of "regular season" records.

Prediction: Patriots 44, Chiefs 10

Buccaneers at Saints

No NFC South team has ever won back-to-back division titles, which doesn't bode well for Tampa. Then again, neither does the fact that New Orleans — already loaded — added Jeremy Shockey, Jonathan Vilma and Sedrick Ellis in the offseason.

Prediction: Saints 38, Buccaneers 13

Rams at Eagles

Everyone has the Eagles in the playoffs this time around. No one seems to expect anything out of the young Rams, but with Leonard Little, Adam Carriker and Chris Long on the D-Line, they could feature a pretty intriguing defense in '08.

Prediction: Eagles 20, Rams 17

Texans at Steelers

The Texans, my official sleeper team of '08, kick off the season with their first of four games against '07 playoff teams in five weeks. Get ready for the Alex Gibbs-coached running game to raise some eyebrows in Week 1.

Prediction: Texans 27, Steelers 17

Jaguars at Titans

Jacksonville leads all 32 NFL teams with a .692 win pct. (9-4 record) on Kickoff Weekend. But the Jaguars will be playing with more on their minds than football this weekend and will barely squeak by in Tennessee on Sunday.

Prediction: Jaguars 17, Titans 14

Cowboys at Browns

Everyone's sexy pick out of the AFC versus the preseason favorites from the NFC. Hard not to be high on Dallas this year, especially since they were all so damn likeable on HBO's Hard Knocks.

Prediction: Cowboys 45, Browns 28

Panthers at Chargers

Philip Rivers has a 15-1 (.937) career record as a starter at home, and is 4-0 against the NFC in San Diego. That's crappy news for Panthers fans, as is the fact that LaDainian Tomlinson is reportedly healthy.

Prediction: Chargers 21, Panthers 10

Cardinals at 49ers

The 49ers beat Arizona on Kickoff Weekend last season — the high point for San Francisco's abysmal '07 season. Of course, that was before the "JTO SHOW" came to town.

Prediction: 49ers 28, Cardinals 16

Bears at Colts

Between Peyton's health, the Bears quarterback situation and Marvin Harrison's off-the-field stuff, Indy and Chicago are a lot like DeNiro and Pacino in '08. It's still worth watching, but not exactly the draw they once were.

Prediction: Colts 27, Bears 14

Vikings at Packers

Will TV's talking heads still spend each Packers game talking about Brett Favre, Brett Favre's legacy, Brett Favre's wife, Brett Favre's wife's book and Brett Favre's downright handsome boy-next-door good looks? Probably, but if you can tune all that out, you'll be treated to the start of the Aaron Rodgers Era.

Prediction: Packers 20, Vikings 13

Broncos at Raiders

No love here, that's for sure. Denver's won the last four games versus Oakland in September and looks to extend that streak on Oakland's home turf in front of a national TV audience.

Prediction: Broncos 27, Raiders 23

Got all that? Okay, good.

Now wash your hands and get back to your cubicle.