Former Gophers legend Brock Lesnar beat up Randy Couture last week to win the UFC heavyweight championship, making him the first Minnesotan to win a title in two fake sports.

Timberwolves owner Glen Taylor on Thursday gave a vote of confidence to coach Randy Wittman. That vote was immediately challenged by both Norm Coleman and Al Franken.

Lance Armstrong says he fears for his safety this summer when he tries to win his eighth Tour de France. Experts say it's the biggest risk the American cyclist has taken since dating an Olsen twin.

Vikings coach Brad Childress revealed that he's "190 pounds of twisted steel and rompin' stompin' dynamite" ... and less than three milligrams of hair.

Former Viking Troy Williamson said he'd like to "duke it out" with his former coach and that he'd be willing to do so with both hands tied behind his back. This surprised veteran NFL observers, who never noticed that Williamson had two hands.

Alex Rodriguez has the "heart of a poet," according to new close pal Madonna. In fact, the Yankees third baseman is expected to pen some verses in the singer's honor once he comes up with enough words that rhyme with "cougar."

The hot stove league heated up this week with the first big trade of baseball's offseason. The Boston Red Sox, tired of shuffling center fielders, traded Coco Crisp to Kansas City Thursday for Count Chocula.

A Honolulu woman won $2.4 million last week on her first-ever visit to Las Vegas. Jessica Agbunag attributed her startling success to her good luck of running into Charles Barkley and John Daly at the poker table.

President-elect Obama, for the second time this month, used his bully pulpit to call for a college Football playoff system. It follows through on his campaign mantra, "It's the Frivolous Sports Issues, Stupid!"

The NHL's Tampa Bay Lightning fired coach Barry Melrose after just 16 games. The former TV analyst is expected to return to ESPN if that network ever decides to cover hockey again.

A 16-year-old knuckleballer has become the first female ever drafted to play for a Japanese baseball team. The Kobe 9 Cruise's selection of Eri Yoshida was applauded by Roger Clemens, who said it's about time someone else drafted a teen.

Somali pirates have hijacked eight vessels in recent weeks, including a Saudi tanker holding $100 million worth of crude. The pirates say they owe their success to lax security on the high seas, as well as some insider tips they received from Mark Cuban.

Britain's Prince Charles last week celebrated his 60th birthday. Also reaching the six-decade mark: the Vikings' offensive playbook.

Iona College is dropping Football, giving the Upstate New York school something in common with Troy Williamson.

Kevin Cusick and John Shipley write The Loop. They can be reached at loop@pioneerpress.com