Hey, earth to Vikings , earth to Vikings . Come in, Vikings . Over? Your loyal fan base is out here wondering what the devil is going on. Blink if you're conscious. Over?

This whole thing is nuts. The yahoos at Yahoo! report that Brett Favre definitely is staying retired. The talking heads at ESPN report that Favre definitely will play for the Vikings if his shoulder is even remotely fit. Meanwhile, they feel strongly both ways over at NFL.com , where it's being reported that nothing has been decided.

What this tells us, other than that everyone appears to have cruddy sources, is that people are falling all over themselves to fill the information void. There is an information void because everyone's favorite head coach -- and every other purple person of consequence -- refuses to address the issue.

Why? Because it's nobody's business, that's why. Get lost. Drop dead. Take a hike.

Then there's Bus Cook, Favre's agent, who either is remarkably uninformed about his client or remarkably stupid. He says he doesn't know anything about any phone call between Favre and Vikings coach Brad Childress. He says he doesn't know anything about any X-rays of Favre's shoulder being sent to the Vikings . He says he doesn't know anything about Favre changing his mind concerning retirement. Except, of course, that he might change his mind.

Whether uninformed or stupid, neither is an attractive quality for an agent. Unless, of course, his whole approach is brilliant because he is pretending to be uninformed and stupid. My head hurts just thinking about it.

The other day, dozens of media waited for Childress to come out of his office at Winter Park and address the Favre state of affairs. Instead, he sent out a spokesman with a "no comment" and slipped away. Perhaps he's adhering to the old stance of "we don't conduct our business in public." Well, gee, this whole situation certainly appears to be in public right now. A little clarity would help, not hurt.

This isn't like making a trade and players from both sides haven't been notified. This is about perhaps signing a free-agent, future Hall of Fame quarterback.

It's like this spring when Twins general manager Bill Smith was asked if he had interest in free agent Barry Bonds. "No," Smith said. "We already have five outfielders." And it's like when former Twins general manager Terry Ryan was asked at the winter meetings if he had interest in free agent Frank Thomas. "Yes," Ryan said. "We'll talk to him and see if the interest is mutual."

There, said and done. Honest is a classy approach whenever possible. Twins fans knew exactly where they stood.

There are only four possible responses concerning Favre: yes, no, maybe, drop dead. The Vikings have chosen the latter option. So no information is available for the edification of the public.

Maybe some would like to know if the front office is at least trying to upgrade at quarterback before they commit to tickets. What's the big deal? Actually, I'm pretty sure nobody's ticket purchase hinges on that knowledge. Vikings fans have been very loyal no matter how lousy their quarterbacks have been over the years. Still, this "it's none of your business" attitude strikes me as very arrogant.

Perhaps their thinking is that if the deal blows up, they can downplay it and claim they've always loved Sagvaris Jackenfels and were just making a courtesy call to a future Canton inductee. That's fine, but how do they think poor Sagvaris feels reading and seeing all this stuff right now?

No doubt there will be another report today. Perhaps someone will report seeing Favre strolling down Hennepin Avenue. Or else someone's source saw him there. In which case there will be neither a confirmation nor a denial out of Winter Park.

They're going to do this their way, and later you will be allowed to buy a ticket and come and watch. So beat it. Scram. Hit the highway, until further notice.

Tom Powers can be reached at tpowers@pioneerpress.com